Look into my eyes.....

I’m back again. You’ll be pleased to know that cats and dogs did not start falling out of the sky, so Old Black Tom must have been right. Hope you all enjoyed the history lesson. Fancy us being descended from the gods. I’ve always thought as much, I mean it does explain a lot doesn’t it. No wonder we are superior to these people that look after our worldly needs. My lot are pretty ignorant when it comes to understanding cats. I have tried to educate them, but I do really think they are beyond help.

Take today for example - late with my prawns again – that’s the second time in as many weeks would you believe! I was really annoyed, so I walked up to "the one I don’t trust" and swished my tail in his general direction. "Oh look, he’s wagging his tail, he must be happy" he said. Happy? I was livid – what does he think I am - a dog? He went to stroke me and seemed genuinely surprised when I bit his finger. "My god, the blessed thing has attacked me" he cried. Good of him to acknowledge my divine status, but he was less than reverential when he chucked me out into the garden. Although they don't seem to get the thing about us being gods, they look at their stars in the paper every day - especially "the pretty one." Fancy believing that stuff.
Anyway, purely for the purposes of research you understand, I thought I would investigate my star sign - apparently I am a Gemini - one of the heavenly twins. Seems apt, but I wonder who the other one is, certainly not Tabby or Ginger Tail, that's for sure. The characteristics of a typical Gemini are:-

• Versatile, adaptable - how true, well I can turn my paw to most things.
• Quick of mind with a rapier wit - true again, I mean all these pearls of wisdom I bestow upon you are usually laced with witty asides - what do you mean "corny old jokes you've heard before!!" How rude.
• Loves to chat and share knowledge - well I do don't I? Sometimes I ramble on for ages.
• Easily bored - I'm fed up with this already. Think I'll go for a nap - no only joking, my rapier wit again.
• A communicator - well you lot turn up every day to read what I have been up to.
• Sociable - I can be very sociable, especially at feeding time.
• Enjoys variety - sometimes, I like to nap on the bed and sometimes on the chair.
• Relies on mental analysis more than gut feelings - oh yes. I have a very analytical mind. The only gut feelings I get are when I'm hungry, which come to think of it is most of the time.
• A hunger for knowledge - and prawns!

Mmmm... well, perhaps there is something in it after all. Let's not get carried away though. I see they haven't got a star sign for the cat, a very careless omission, the nearest is Leo the lion. Makes you wonder, especially when you see the other riff-raff that gets on the list - bulls, scorpions, goats, rams, crabs, I ask you, crabs! The good news is that there is nothing that remotely resembles a dog. I suppose we should be grateful for small mercies.Well that's my lot for today. Before I go, I will show you a picture and I want you to look deep into my eyes. Pretty spooky eh? You are beginning to feel drowsy, very drowsy - go to sleep, go to sleep........... When I count to ten you will be under my spell, and you will obey my every command - send prawns, send prawns, send prawns by the bucket load........ When I click my paws, you will wake up and all you will remember is that you must send me prawns. Zzzzzzzz................... what happened, I seem to have nodded off! What a life! AlbertThe(supernatural)Cat.