He fell off the wall!

Hello. Who is this you all ask. Well it's me – Ginger Tail, Bert’s clever little sister. That brother of mine is not as bright as he makes out, he’s quite dim really. He left his log-in details on a post-it note stuck to the computer screen, so I have logged in and changed his password. Hee hee!! Bert is furious and can’t understand what is going on. Before I let him in on the little jape, I thought I would write his blog for him today.

Have you read the cock and bull story from yesterday – total fantasy, not a word of truth. You can always tell when Bert is not telling the truth - his lips move!


Shall I tell you what really happened? Well actually, he did break his leg, but as for the ferocious dogs, what a joke, he runs away from squirrels!

When they took him to see “the bloke who sticks needles in us once a year” (I hate him as well) do you know what he said? He said that Bert had probably lost his footing and fallen off of a wall – how clumsy is that? A cat falling from a wall and breaking a leg – oh how Tabby and me laughed. Bert certainly made the most of it. He was confined to a cage in the lounge for a few months, and as you know, “the pretty one”, who is a little gullible to say the least, kept feeding him prawns. Prawns for breakfast, prawns for lunch, prawns for tea, prawns for supper – I’m surprised he didn’t get sick of them. Whenever the housekeeping staff went out, me and my brother Tabby would amuse ourselves by running our claws along the edge of the cage and pinching his food through the bars – this really annoyed him – oh how we laughed!

While I have the chance I thought I would show you some pictures of me - aren't I cute. I am definitely the cutest cat here despite what my daft brother Bert thinks.

I expect Bert will be back tomorrow, although if he is still as bad tempered as he was earlier I may keep the joke going a bit longer. Remember now, don't believe a word he says! Bye for now. Ginger Tail.

My stupid sister

Late again with the blog - have had a very strenuous day annoying the neighbours dog, a spiteful little thing, a Jack Russell I believe. It makes an awful yapping noise. I get great pleasure from sitting on top of the shed and hissing at it. This makes the foolish thing bounce up and down and work itself up into a real lather - Oh how I laugh! It is as thick as a plank - I saw it's owner throwing a stick for it the other day and the dog only went and chased it - a stick, it actually chased a stick! Can you imagine a cat doing that? - no neither can I. Apparently it also chases cars - one wonders what it would actually do if it ever managed to catch one?Enough of this. As regular readers will know, I posted a picture of my stupid sister yesterday, well the back of her head anyway. Amazingly enough one of my twitter followers tweeted me and asked to see a picture of her face - I have no idea why. So, here are a few pictures of her.Her name is Ginger Tail - not very original is it? She is completely gaga and a real pain in the neck! I try and chase her off, but she is too quick for me. She was the runt of the litter and why the housekeeping staff decided to keep her, is a mystery to me. I even think that "the one I don't trust" likes her best. Apparently when we were born under the bush, the first thing the housekeeping staff saw was a little ginger tail and this is how she got her name. Next time I will tell you how I got my name, and my stupid brother got his. I will also let you into a secret (in strictest confidence of course) that my stupid brother finds most embarrassing!!Well that's all for now - I trust you all have a good weekend. Remember now don't overdo it. Take plenty of rest and eat plenty of prawns. What a life! Albert the Cat.

My poncy brother and stupid sister

Things are going from bad to worse around here. Both of the housekeeping staff were up and out early this morning, before I had even gone to bed (it was a very busy night, but more about that later). The "one that I don't trust" failed in his duties, so there were no breakfast prawns for me. A very serious case of neglect - I may contact the Cat's Protection League. To make things worse, when "the pretty one" came back, that poncy brother of mine was all over her like a rash. I've never seen fawning like it - rubbing round her legs, making pitiful squeaks, purring, licking, etc. - a truly nauseating performance. Then guess what, she only goes and gives him a handful of prawns. She falls for it every time. When I arrived on the scene they had all gone. To calm my fury, I immediately rushed to the newly painted shed and scratched it for all I was worth. Just so you can see what I am up against, here is a picture of my poncy brother in one of his more sickening poses.
Eventually "the one I don't trust" returned. He is on very thin ice! To try and get back in my good books, he did at least give me some prawns - better late than never, but my poncy brother and stupid sister both got in on the act. As you can imagine, my poncy brother is full of himself - keeps telling anyone that will listen that he has had double prawns today - I can't stand him.

As I was saying earlier, it was a very busy night. Between the three of us, we managed to catch a small rat. Not much of a challenge for a cat of my hunting skills, but a bit of sport none the less. I supervised from the top of the shed, while my troops did the dirty deed. The housekeeping staff are strangely unreceptive to this sort of thing. I'll never forget the time I brought them a dead blackbird to the bedroom. They were most ungrateful, considering it was still warm. Bearing this in mind, I left explicit instructions for my stupid sister to dispose of the evidence. What did she do? Left the damn thing in the middle of the lawn. Guess who got the blame - yes me.
This is my stupid sister looking at my computer screen. She does the same with mirrors you know - I rest my case!

Well that's my lot, I doubt if there's much chance of any more prawns today so I think I'll clear off for a few hours and sleep on the neighbours shed. They are bound to worry about me, but they should have thought about that earlier. See you tomorrow. I may tell you something about the old man - a fine ginger tom. Albert The Cat.