My poncy brother and stupid sister

Things are going from bad to worse around here. Both of the housekeeping staff were up and out early this morning, before I had even gone to bed (it was a very busy night, but more about that later). The "one that I don't trust" failed in his duties, so there were no breakfast prawns for me. A very serious case of neglect - I may contact the Cat's Protection League. To make things worse, when "the pretty one" came back, that poncy brother of mine was all over her like a rash. I've never seen fawning like it - rubbing round her legs, making pitiful squeaks, purring, licking, etc. - a truly nauseating performance. Then guess what, she only goes and gives him a handful of prawns. She falls for it every time. When I arrived on the scene they had all gone. To calm my fury, I immediately rushed to the newly painted shed and scratched it for all I was worth. Just so you can see what I am up against, here is a picture of my poncy brother in one of his more sickening poses.
Eventually "the one I don't trust" returned. He is on very thin ice! To try and get back in my good books, he did at least give me some prawns - better late than never, but my poncy brother and stupid sister both got in on the act. As you can imagine, my poncy brother is full of himself - keeps telling anyone that will listen that he has had double prawns today - I can't stand him.

As I was saying earlier, it was a very busy night. Between the three of us, we managed to catch a small rat. Not much of a challenge for a cat of my hunting skills, but a bit of sport none the less. I supervised from the top of the shed, while my troops did the dirty deed. The housekeeping staff are strangely unreceptive to this sort of thing. I'll never forget the time I brought them a dead blackbird to the bedroom. They were most ungrateful, considering it was still warm. Bearing this in mind, I left explicit instructions for my stupid sister to dispose of the evidence. What did she do? Left the damn thing in the middle of the lawn. Guess who got the blame - yes me.
This is my stupid sister looking at my computer screen. She does the same with mirrors you know - I rest my case!

Well that's my lot, I doubt if there's much chance of any more prawns today so I think I'll clear off for a few hours and sleep on the neighbours shed. They are bound to worry about me, but they should have thought about that earlier. See you tomorrow. I may tell you something about the old man - a fine ginger tom. Albert The Cat.