Home Alone - Apart From Him!!!

When I awoke bright and early this morning I wandered over to the window, and what an inspirational sight greeted me. The early morning sun was just peeping over the hedgerows, and spears of light were glistening on the lightly frosted grass, like twinkling diamonds. The wondrous hues of newly bloomed crocuses, bluebells and snowdrops - blues, yellows, purples and brilliant white against a backdrop of vivid green - a picture to behold. The dawn chorus was in full song, as blue tits, sparrows and robins joyously greeted the new day with a rich melodious cacophony of sound. Mother nature in all her glory. I sat and admired such handiwork and I knew at once what I should take full advantage of the wonderful gifts she has bestowed upon us. Yes, that's right, I went straight back to bed, stopping only for a light breakfast on the way.Well, what did you think I was going to do? I mean, mornings come round every day nearly, so there's no need to get carried away is there! After all, I need my rest. Anyway, I eventually surfaced just before lunch, and the sun was still out, so clearly I made the right decision. Time for a good scratch, and roll in the dirt before eating. I was starting to doze off in the warm sunshine, when the tranquility was broken by the sound of "my stupid sister" crashing over the back wall in hot pursuit of a large pigeon that was flying at least thirty feet above the ground. I do wonder about her at times. "You'll never catch that" I said. "I'm gaining on it" she replied as she shot past.

Next, "my poncy brother" Tabby appears out of the cat flap with a concerned look on his smug face, and comes over and sits down for a chat. He was the bearer of some very worrying news. Apparently he had overheard a telephone call between "the pretty one" and her mother. "She's visiting" said Tabby, "for a fortnight." "What!!!" I exclaimed, but we've only just got rid of her after Christmas. "No, no" said Tabby, "you don't understand, it is far worse, her mother is not coming here, 'the pretty' one is going to visit her!" The thought of two weeks in the Colditz Cattery under the supervision of the evil camp commandant filled me with dread. "It's bad, but not quite that bad" said Tabby, "she is going on her own, 'the one we don't trust' is being left behind to look after us."My initial relief quickly turned to horror. I mean, "the one I don't trust" is hardly capable of looking after himself, he's barely house trained. Surely he can't be left in charge for two whole weeks. I reckon he has been biding his time waiting for an opportunity like this to get his own back on me - I'll probably starve. Apparently she is not going until the end of the week, so there is time to hatch a plan. I think I'll let the Cats Protection people know what is going on - they keep in touch through the good offices of Twitter you know.

Well, that's my lot for today. I'm in shock. What started off as a rather pleasant day, has gone downhill very quickly. What on earth possessed her to desert us and leave him totally unsupervised. Who is going to tie his shoelaces for him? Without her around things are bound to go to pot. His view of housework is why bother, in six months time it will need doing again. What a life! AlbertThe(deserted)Cat.

You read it here first....

I wasn't going to do a blog today - I felt I needed a rest. However, something quite amazing has happened. Would you believe it, the BBC is now following me to see what the hot topics are. Now, this is the amazing thing, they are then regurgitating the stories as if they were their own. I wonder if I can sue them for plagiarism - whatever that is. I never realised I was so influential. "What on earth is he on about now", I hear you ask. Oh ye of little faith - it's all true. You will recall a few days ago, we were discussing how us cats are descended from the gods of ancient Egypt, and I was educating you about our heritage.Guess what happened yesterday - the BBC news website published a story telling how a 2,000 year old temple, dedicated to the cat god Bastet had been dug up in Alexandria. Spooky isn't it how this discovery was made a day or two after my blog on the same subject appeared. Are there no limits to my amazing powers. You think I am making this up don't you - well click this link to see. Believe me now! There are strange forces at work here. I must thank @AbbyDaTabby and @piddleandpurr, two of my Twitter pals, for spotting the article. I'm thinking of putting them on the payroll as roving reporters.

Well that's my lot for today - must go, am expecting a call from the BBC any minute. Apparently the lead story on the main news programme tonight is all about the shortage of prawns in West London and they want to interview me. I think they have picked this up from my last couple of posts. Where we lead others follow. What a life! AlbertThe(ground breaking)Cat.