Thursday, 28 January 2010

How Many Builders Does it Take to Drink a Cup of Tea?

A very good day to you all. It has been quite pleasant here in London - a bit cold, but bright and sunny. After a hearty breakfast of prawns, I decided to go for a gentle stroll round my patch. I saw something very interesting, which I will tell you about in a minute. Before that though there have been some strange goings on with our cat biscuits. "The one I don't trust" has got it into his head that I am, well how shall I put this...... well rounded, if you get my drift. So, he only went and bought the "light low calorie" version of our favourite bickies. He never thinks these things through. Our bowl is always topped up - I insist on them never letting it get empty - so guess what happened. Yes, that's right, we ate twice as much as usual. He can't understand why we got through two bags so quickly. In fact, I've actually put a bit of weight on. Hopefully this nonsense will stop when he realises it is costing him double to feed us.

The things I have to put up with! Anyway, I thought I would tell you about something I saw this morning while doing my rounds. A lot of noise was coming from a garden just down the road, so I decided to investigate. By the time I arrived, Old Black Tom had beaten me to it - he was sitting on the back wall casting his eye over proceedings. There were half a dozen scruffy looking blokes slowly filling the garden up with bricks. "Whats going on here" I said. "They've got the builders in" replied Old Black Tom. "They are building a conservatory". "Why do they call it that?" I asked. "Well" said Old Black Tom, "it's really an extra room but by calling it that, they don't have to worry about tiresome details such as planning permission and building regulations." How does he know all this - he is a very clever cat, the fount of all knowledge.

One of them started to build a wall with the bricks, while the other five stood around drinking tea and watched him. "I'm surprised they don't put the roof on first" I said, "it will keep them dry if it rains." Old Black Tom gave me one of his withering looks. He had seen the flaw in my plan straight away - I told you he was a very clever cat. After a while, the woman who owns the house appeared, said something to the workmen and then went out. As soon as she was out of sight, they all stopped, sat down and started consulting some important looking papers - plans I expect, while drinking even more tea. Do you know the plans had lists of the runners and riders for all the horse races taking place today - I can't imagine why. Then they all gave the one in charge some money, and he wandered off down the road. The others sat around drinking even more tea and eating biscuits, just like a picnic.

The one in charge arrived back just before the owner, and do you know, by amazing co-incidence they had just started building up the bricks again. Not for long though, as it was soon time for them to go to lunch. What a busy morning they had! The thought of lunch made me hungry, so I bade Old Black Tom farewell and wandered off home.When I got back to our garden I noticed the first snowdrop had appeared - a sign of Spring perhaps. One delicate little white flower in an otherwise bleak landscape. I stood and admired it's inherent beauty, whilst pondering upon the wonders of nature, and then with one swipe of my paw it was gone. Just time for a quick roll in the flowerbed where it used to live. Wonder what's for lunch?Well that's my lot for today. Do you know, "the housekeeping staff" had a go at me about bringing half the garden into the house. Damn cheek - how did they know it was me. Also, I think I might be in the frame for the unfortunate demise of the snowdrop. These allegations are completely without foundation - just like the conservatory, Ho Ho Ho.... What a life! AlbertThe(nature-loving)Cat.


  1. Wow, you should have snitched on those workers. You would think the Woman would have realized they didn't get far.
    Albert, you could have been removing the flower bed invader and that's how you got evidence on you. Haha.
    My cats don't allow the dishes to become empty either, but I do not top them off. Harley weighs 25 pounds(he is a ragdoll breed), but still I won't let him get fat.

  2. OH Bert, you're covered in dirt! No wonder your people knew you were the nature lover gone bad! You couldn't even put it off on Ginger Tail or Mr. Tabby, since "the evidence" (GOOD BLACK DIRT) told it all.

    Maybe the snowdrop bulb is still there, unless you dug the poor thing up? I expect "the pretty one" will see to it.....

  3. he he - you are so funny and cleaver. Those tea drinking blokes remind us of our highway construction crews - drink coffee all day too!

  4. Well, had you washed off the evidence they would have never known it was you who did the snowdrops in. Next time you go gardening wear a coat and some paw gloves so you don't get all dirty. I thought you were smarter than this.