Tuesday, 5 January 2010

Don't Count Your Cats.....

Hello again. Weather is looking a bit grim. It is very cold today. "My poncy brother" tried to take a drink out of the old watering can in the garden, and his tongue stuck to it - most unfortunate. Oh how I laughed. I was not slow to take advantage, popped round behind him and nipped his tail - I hate him!
Well, today I thought I would tell you about something I heard recently. "The one I don't trust" was talking to "the pretty one" and he said, "do you know cats can't count." What on earth is he on about I thought, where does he get such rubbish? Me, Tabby and Ginger Tail, looked at him in astonishment - yes, all four of us, Ho.. Ho.. Ho... just my little joke. Apparently he had read it in a book. I can count a lot better than he can, after all he has only got five digits on each hand, whereas I have six on each paw, a mark of my good breeding you understand. My father, elder brother and cousin also had six toes - what do you mean they were probably one and the same cat! How rude - my mother, my auntie and my grandma would be most deeply offended - both of them! Who says we can't count.

Being naturally inquisitive, I felt it beholden upon me to find out for you just how they came up with this daft idea, so I did a bit of research. Now, pay attention, you might learn something. When mummy cat has kittens, she hides them under a bush or somewhere similar, to keep them safe from dogs and other such undesirables. After a few days, she moves them to keep the dogs guessing, I expect. One at a time, she grabs hold of them by the scruff of the neck and carries them to their new abode. In our litter, there was me, Tabby, Ginger Tail, Spotty and Little Torty - yes that's right, seven of us. Naturally I was moved first, being the most important, although Tabby reckons it was because being the heaviest, mum wanted to get the hard work out of the way first! Damn cheek! Anyway after she has been back for the last one, she returns once more. Based on this fleeting observation, they have concluded that mum can't count and just keeps going back until there are no kittens left. What they don't realise is that the only reason mum goes back is to see if anyone has left any food out for her.The quality of the research is pitiful. It brings into question all the other clever things they claim to have discovered. Personally, I have always had doubts about the world being round, I mean we'd all roll off wouldn't we, and how on earth they got to the moon is any one's guess, perhaps they didn't! What about this global warming lark - could have done with a bit of that earlier when Tabby's tongue got stuck to the watering can. They should leave the clever stuff to the cats, and just concentrate on what they do best - looking after us.

Well that's your lot for today. An appropriate note upon which to finish is a little story my Great Uncle Porky used to tell me when I was a kitten. Not many people know this, but when they first started sending rockets into space, they put dogs inside to see what would happen to them - I ask you, a dog! Anyway, eventually they sent a man into space, and he was accompanied by a cat. When they got into orbit, there were two envelopes labelled "instructions". The first one was for the cat and it read - "plot course, check systems, monitor fuel load, undertake experiments, carry out space walk, fire engines to return to earth, adjust boosters for re-entry, deploy parachutes, etc....." The second one was for the human, and it read "feed the cat!". What a Life! AlbertThe(numerate)Cat.


  1. hahaha, whoever said cats can't count has a math problem. You just proved it.

  2. Love the space joke! We've been exploring space for years, actually..in our own minds in a cosmic sort of way. But, yeah, feed us while we get on with the important responsibilities of the world!

  3. Does the mostly white kitty on the left in your picture have a calico tail? Kind of looks like it might. My sisfur is like that (her picture is in this bloggie I did: http://yodaheltman.blogspot.com/2009/10/meet-my-family.html)

    Some people think dogs can't count but I can tell you that if mom puts treats in her pocket I know when she still has some left even if she tells me they are all gone!

  4. Albert it is foolish to believe anything these deluded hairless apes say they have "researched" - usually this "research" is just something they overheard in the pub. No science or intelligence involved whatsoever.

    I sympathise with Tabby, our rain water bucket was frozen solid today, I had to ask TWICE for the tragic ape to break the ice.

    W. Wuudler esq.

  5. So great to meet you, Albert!!!