Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Christmas is Coming.....

Hello again. Guess what's happened round here today. "The housekeeping staff" went out this morning, just after prawns, and when they came back, they had a strange looking tree with them- a Norwegian fir apparently! It's out in the garden, leaning up against the shed at the moment. As you would expect, I've had a good look at it, and to be honest, I am quite underwhelmed. I mean it has been sawn off above the root, so I didn't hold out much hope for it. It smells of pine - reminds me of the disinfectant type pong indoors just after they find one of Tabby's hairballs.

I heard "the one I don't trust", saying something about it looking nice once it has been moved inside the house. This is all part of the Christmas ritual that is looming up on us. If nothing else, I reckon it will make a very useful indoor scratching post. Will come in handy when it is raining outside. I will keep an eye on this, and keep you posted over the next week or so. I don't know why, but it fills me with a strange sense of foreboding!

Talking of Christmas, I find it all rather unsettling. Last year, the staff went away, and me Tabby and Ginger Tail were sentenced to two weeks without remission in Stalag Colditz - a terrible place, run by the evil camp commandant. I will tell you all about this place on another day. However, as we are blessed with visitors this Christmas, I am assuming that we won't have to serve another stretch for the time being.
Christmas is a funny time of year - all common sense seems to go out of the window. When I was a lad, my great uncle Porky told me about something called pantomime. Now, you will have to pay attention here because it all gets very confusing! It's a bit like a play at the theatre, but with some subtle differences - one or more of the leading ladies is played by an ugly man who wears women's clothes and is called the dame, the leading young man is played by a woman wearing tights and is called the principal boy, and two men dress up as a horse. Are you still with me? All sounds a bit x-rated to me, but would you believe it, the audience is mainly children!

My Uncle Porky told me that he was in the theatre, and for one panto season was understudy to Dick Whittington's cat. He also went for the starring part in Puss-in-Boots. He got right through to the final audition before he let himself down badly. The director said to him, "Porky, which role do you want?" Quick as a flash, "sausage, sausage roll!" he replied without thinking. Unfortunately that was virtually the end of his career, apart from a minor role years later in the West End musical Cats (I understand that he was employed backstage to keep the mice under control). I think I should have gone into acting. I could have starred as Jess, opposite Postman Pat don't you think?
Well that's your lot for today. I think I need to keep a very close eye on this Christmas lark. There could be some nasty surprises in the offing. Need to watch my back as they say - is that why they shout "he's behind you!". What a life! AlbertThe(black & white)Cat.


  1. The tree thing can be quite fun. You can climb on it, sleep under it, play with the ornaments, whap them until they fall off and then play soccer ball with them. Try to keep an open mind and I am still waiting for my prawns. You might want to put out a trace on them. I hope you had them insured?

  2. Hello Bert,it's me Fizzey,I have just been reading your blog,funny thing you should mention the cats hotel and visitors,I heard the old lady saying that they would be visiting folks in London for Christmas so we will have to go into the cats hotel,so look out,I hate it.Fizzey.

  3. Hello Fizzey – that’s strange, your people visiting folks in London! You don’t think they could be coming here do you? Regards, Bert.