Monday, 7 December 2009

On the Stump - Vote for Bert....

Good morning again. I had a very pleasant and restful weekend. Plenty of naps, a bit of scratching, chased “my stupid sister” round the garden, and nearly caught a bird. How come they can fly and we can’t – most unfair! Prawns were in plentiful supply, so much so, that I was in a very benevolent mood and gave “the housekeeping staff” time off. They were ever so grateful.

Now, that we have got the pleasantries out of the way let us get down to business. A brand new week, and what a big week it is. There is a very important matter that needs resolving once and for all, and as you would expect I have come up with the perfect solution. Something that started as a minor irritation, but has grown into an almighty itch – no I am not talking about the unfortunate flea problem of a couple of weeks ago. As you know, I like to illuminate these dry old postings with a few pictures. Well, every time I put up a picture of my “stupid sister”, I get lots of comments and tweets saying how cute and adorable she is. Even “my poncy brother” has his admirers. Well let me tell you this – it makes me sick!! What more have I got to do – there is only one cute and adorable cat round here and that is me!

So, what we are going to do is to have an election – it is compulsory for you to vote. Up in the top right hand corner, you will see your ballot form. All you have to do is to tick the box that says Albert. Now to ensure that the poll is carried out in a fair and impartial manner, I will be the sole adjudicator. I have given Ginger Tail and Tabby a chance to publish a short election address, a pack of lies if you ask me, but you must decide whether you are gullible enough to believe them – don’t let me influence you.

Ginger Tail – Election address

Hello – I am Bert’s cute little sister. Everyone who sees me says I am adorable. I have a pretty ginger tail with black and ginger patches on my head. My interests are charity work, helping other cats less fortunate than myself, travel, and mice. I am by far and away the best looking cat in this household – vote for me, pretty please, vote for me. Lots of love Ginger Tail xxx

Tabby – Election address

I am Tabby, Bert’s good looking brother. As you can see, I am a long haired tabby cat with a pure white front. “The pretty one” thinks I am the nicest cat and she fully endorses my candidacy. She is always telling me I am cute, and it is quite clear that I am her favourite. I sit on her lap when ever I can, and she never stops stroking me. My main interest is sucking up to "the housekeeping staff" in order to get extra prawns. Vote for me and I will let you stroke me. Tabby.

AlbertTheCat – Election address

Far be it from me to indulge in negative campaigning, but have you read the tosh above. Dreadful isn’t it. Ginger Tail was the runt of the litter I’ll have you know, and as for “my poncy brother” – he’s just a common or garden tabby with an inflated opinion of himself. What can I say about myself that you don’t already know. I have the outstanding features of the pedigree ferrel cat, the sleek figure, the finely honed physique and a cute little black chin to go with it. My good looks and intellect are only matched by my modesty. I rest my case. Do your duty - vote for Albert – there could be a prawn in it for you. Vote Albert - you know it makes sense! Pretty good slogan don't you think?

All you have to do is to cast your vote. The polls will close at midnight on Thursday, and I will announce my landslide victory, whoops sorry, the result on Friday.

Well that’s the lot for today. I’m off to do a bit of campaigning round the local neighbourhood. Must remember to take a few prawns with me. What a life! AlbertThe(right choice)Cat.


  1. Good luck, Albert! There are five cats in my household, and you have their vote.

  2. Hi Albert,

    I'm sorry, but I prefer shorthair cats, so I give my vote for Ginger Tail, Ohh what a beautiful Lady you are Ginger Tail! You get the vote of my housemates Tobias and Flush too!

    Albert, I give you a nice purrr!

    Your Oriental Shorthair Lilac Daantje

  3. Hi Albert,

    I'm sory, but I prefer shorthair cats, so I voted Ginger Tail! What a beautiful handsome Lady she is!
    I'm an Oriental Shorthair Lilac you know, so how shorter the hair, the better!
    My housemates are Tobias Oriental Shorthair Ebony and old Flush, the siamese mix!

    But, Albert, You get a friendly headbonk from your Oriental friend Daantje!

  4. I haz to vote for you Albert, cuz you iz so obviously teh intelligent one *smooch*

  5. Oh Albert, how could I not vote for my fellow tuxie?


  6. Good Luck Albert! Our votes for you!

    Talking of good looking cats, check out the "Funky Holiday Pet Photo Contest" for cool prizes, and a bonus for being among the first 500 here

  7. Albert you have my support. I have a stupid sister too, so I know what you are going through. She even made me sick. Sisters, maybe we can sell ours on Craig's list?