Tuesday, 1 December 2009

A Bird in the Hand........

Hello again one and all. Firstly, to all of you who bothered to write to me after yesterday's agony column, many thanks, and to those of you who didn't - well please yourselves. Everyone, except George from Manchester seemed to think it a true milestone in feline literary achievement and a much needed service. I can count the negative comments on the fingers of one paw - there were six of them. Did you know that me and most of my extended family are hexadactyls - oh yes, in fact my Great Uncle Porky put it to great use, and was an accomplished pianist, or so he told me. He used to tell me lots of interesting facts, and do you know what, some of them were true. Must get round to learning the piano one day - after all, I have mastered a computer keypad, and surely that can't be an awful lot different to a piano. I digress, someone thought that I showed too much sensitivity, and for the good of the poor saps who had written in I should be more forthright. Possibly a fair criticism, after all I am a very caring cat. Enough of that for the time being - we will do it again in the near future. Keep sending me your problems.

It was a nice sunny morning in London today. After "the one I don't trust" had served me up a barely adequate breakfast of small, in fact very small, prawns, I decided to indulge my hobby - birdwatching. Oh yes, I am a keen twitcher. There are all sorts of things flitting around in the garden. No idea what most of them are called. They are very difficult to catch - being able to fly is a neat trick, something that despite repeated practice, I have so far been unable to manage. I've worked out, that the best bet is to hide behind the bushes and then leap out at them. The Spring is the best time of year for this. I get "the housekeeping staff" to help. "The one I don't trust" plants lots of seeds, or bait, as I think of it, to tempt our little feathered friends. I have spotted the flaw in his cunning plan - the netting he puts over the top stops the birds getting at the bait. When he goes in I help out by pulling down all the netting, and sure enough, loads of birds arrive. Last time I was just about to pounce when he came running out of the back door calling my name very loud and asking if I wanted extra prawns, something about having me stuffed I think he said -very thoughtful of him, but terrible timing - the little perishers were off like a shot.

He particularly dislikes the two pigeons that live nearby. They sit on the edge of the roof, and when they fly off, they occasionally deposit something most unpleasant on the kitchen window. Him and the "pretty one" were in the garden recently when this happened, and he was most annoyed. She said "don't worry, I will go and get some tissue paper from the loo to wipe it" - bit late for that I thought, it will be miles away by now!

This mornings little escapade was bought to a shuddering halt by my "stupid sister". I had one of the things in my sights, and was coiled like a spring ready to pounce when she appeared and plonked herself on the garden table. I think you will agree, that camouflage is not really something she has got to grips with. I mean no self respecting bird, not even a blind one is going to miss her. Time for lunch I thought and wandered in.

Well that's my lot for today. One final thing before I go - I have signed up on Facebook (click here) - still trying to fathom it all out, but "my poncy brother" reckons it is not suitable for me because I haven't got any friends - how rude! Help me prove him wrong. What a life! AlbertThe(nature loving)Cat.


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  2. Uh-Albert, you cats need a seriously strict lesson in camouflage. I bet you didn't catch any birds. Have fun trying, but your wasting your time with the camo..

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