An Early Breakfast....

Hello again. Been a funny old day so far. I woke up early this morning, it was still dark - no idea why. No, not dark you silly people, waking up early I mean. I know why it gets dark. The big pussy cat in the sky turns the lights out so we can all get to sleep. The big round orange thing disappears, and is replaced with a much dimmer pale yellow thing - for those of you that are not very well educated, the technical name for this is the moon! Presumably it is meant to give just enough light to allow us to find our food bowls during the night. Not sure why it is needed, after all, us cats are supposed to see in the dark. I don't know if I buy in to it though because I keep bumping in to things, especially after a bit of catnip and a few drinks from the drain.

"Pussy cats" - now there's a funny term - why do humans call us "pussy cats"? I asked wise Old Black Tom from down the road once, and quick as a flash he knew the answer. He is the fount of all knowledge. He reckons that humans have scientific Latin names for all the animals, and ours is Pussus cattus would you believe. I asked Old Black Tom what you call dogs, "mangy mutts" he replied. Not very scientific I thought, but appropriate none the less.
I'm rambling a bit here. Let's take a step back. When I surfaced, the "housekeeping staff" were nowhere to be seen - still asleep they were. "What about Bert's breakfast?" I here you cry. An extremely good point. Despite jumping up and down on the bed I failed to raise them. I noticed a glass very precariously balanced on the bedside table, so with great skill, I flicked it off with my tail. This nearly worked, as "the one I don't trust" sat bolt upright. I'm sure he thought I should go back to sleep, because he tossed me a pillow - a very kind thought but his aim was awry - it very nearly hit me. What next I thought. His foot was sticking out the bottom of the bed, so I gave him a quick nip on the toe. This did the trick, although he did initially suggest I might like to go for walk before breakfast - "get to (didn't quite catch the next word) out of here!" he said rather loudly. I declined his very kind offer and he eventually stumbled down the stairs and served breakfast before going back to bed. Very lazy of him I thought, after all it was nearly light.Before I go today, I thought I would show you a couple of pictures of my extended family. The first is of Great Uncle Porky. You can see him on baby, or should that be kitty sitting duty with my "stupid sister" when she was little. Even then she was a nuisance. Whatever it was she had done, you can see Uncle Porky telling her not to do it again! The other one is of Uncle Spotty - a most proud cat. He never forgot his roots - he was a dump cat through and through. Even after finding himself decent accommodation, he still preferred to sleep in a cardboard box - old habits die hard.

Well that's your lot for today. The trouble with an early breakfast is that it is an awful long time until lunch. Regrettably I may have to take a lesson out of "my poncy brother's" book and go and ingratiate my self with "the pretty one". I might let her stroke me - she's a sucker for this, and with a bit of purring chucked in for good measure, it should be worth a few prawns before lunch. People don't realise how hard it is for us "larger" cats. We have to eat an awful lot to keep our strength up. It is very tiring. Time for a nap soon. What a life! AlbertThe(very hungry)Cat.