Friday, 26 March 2010

Beware of the Dog, or Should that be Cat?

Well here we are at the end of another week. I went out this morning to look for our new friend Riley who moved in yesterday. He shouldn't be hard to spot, he is the size of a bus! I wandered along the back wall until I came to his house, but there was no sign of him. Perhaps his owners have carried out their threat to keep him in the house for a while to acclimatise to his new surroundings - another stupid human misunderstanding. All they need to do is make sure the food bowl is regularly topped up, and we won't roam too far away.

I was wondering where he was when I looked up - he was staring forlornly out of the bedroom window. Perhaps I can spring him I thought. There is a large apple tree with branches close to the window, so I climbed up and hopped across on to the sill, whereupon Riley leaned on the window and pushed it open, knocking yours truly off the sill. Fortunately the ground broke my fall. No, I jest, I actually landed in the compost heap, so apart from my pride, no damage was done. I rose to my feet, with all the dignity I could muster. Riley was looking down, "do you want something old boy" he enquired. "I thought you were locked in" I said. "So did my owner" he chuckled. He scrambled down the tree, and we went and sat on the back wall. "Do you mind moving downwind a bit old boy" he said, "you do rather smell."It seems the compost heap was rather a mixed blessing. It reminded me of a story my Great Uncle Porky once told me. He was taken to see the bloke who sticks needles in us once a year because his feet were smelling and his nose was running - the vet said he was built upside down! Ho Ho Ho.. just one of Uncle Porky's little jokes. "Come on, I'll show you round the patch" I said and we strolled off. First stop was our place. I introduced him to Tabby and Ginger Tail. He towered over them and they greeted him somewhat nervously. "What's that rotten smell" said Tabby. "Bert fell in the compost heap" said Riley - Oh how they all laughed. I hate that poncy brother of mine, I really do!

I told Riley to beware of the nasty snappy little Jack Russell that lives next door. We all jumped up on to the wall and sure enough, he was out in the garden. The site of all four of us sent him into a frenzy - he was jumping up and down at the wall, yapping away. We just sat there and hissed at him. "He does go on doesn't he?" said Riley, who then proceeded to hop down off the wall into the garden. We looked on in horror as the nasty thing charged towards Riley. "Get out of there" I shouted. Riley cast me a contemptuous glance, and then walked slowly towards the thing.

The mutt was apoplectic by the time it got to Riley, who just stared at it. Riley lifted one of his massive paws and and cuffed the thing on the side of the head. It rolled over three times and came to rest in a rose bush - Riley hissed, the dog whimpered and scampered away with it's tail between it's legs. "Don't think he'll cause too many problems" said Riley, picking up one of the mutts old bones and gently crunching it in his huge jaws. "Would you like a piece" he asked as he rejoined us on the wall. We all very politely declined his kind offer. "Can't imagine why they've got a Beware of the Dog sign on the gate" he said, "probably worried about someone treading on it" he mused.Well that's my lot for today. Riley decided he'd had enough excitement and it was time for his pre-lunch nap. "Where abouts in the house do you sleep" I asked. "Anywhere I damn well like!" he replied. I hope you enjoy your lunch I thought - probably half a side of beef! The rest of the tour will wait for another day. I suppose I had better go indoors and clean up on the settee, I mean the housekeeping staff will not want to see me in this state will they? Have a good weekend. I will return next week. What a life! AlbertThe(fragrant)Cat.


  1. Heehee! Dat is funny. Mums cat Jim wot is not wif us no more used to sit on da compost eap! I also like to check it out from time to time in case there be noms!

  2. That is a good story - but it is too bad you fell into the stinky compost heap! And Riley sounds a bit fierce - and very brave to take on Jack Russell. We wouldn't try it!

    Have a wonderful weekend!

  3. You're a silly boy, Bert, but we're glad you've made friends with Riley; we can't wait to see a picture of this massive kitty!!...Try to stay out of the compost heap my friend and have a great weekend...xo...Calle, Halle, Sukki

  4. Yeah - We need a photo of Riley. I'm sure he's not as handsome as you, Bert.

  5. You do live an interesting life, Bert. We're sure the staff appreciate you going inside to clean up on the furniture. That's what it's there for.

  6. Hahaha! you need to stink up the house, keep the staff busy. It's really good that you, Tabby, and Ginger Tail get along so well with Riley.
    Have a good weekend.
    Jake the red tabby

  7. Hi Albert we´re 3 portuguese cats and luv your blog. Come visit us when you like and have a great cat´s weekend. Miaus