Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness.......

Hello again. You'll no doubt be pleased to know that we are still surviving under the somewhat lax regime being presided over by "the one I don't trust." News from afar has reached us to confirm the safe arrival of "the pretty one" at her mothers place. He has told her in his regular bulletins that we are all missing her. "My poncy brother" certainly is. Well, he's missing the extra prawns he manages to scrounge from her with his grovelling and sucking up. His deceitful ways don't appear to carry much weight with "the one I don't trust."

Standards continue to drop. Not ours you understand, but his. He still hasn't bothered to clean up the kitchen - do you know, I'm sure he thinks the smoke alarm is the timer for the oven! I don't think he's bothered shaving for a couple of days now, and as I've been scratching a bit more than usual recently, I'm concerned that I may have caught something from him! Us cats are very clean creatures you know, well most of us are. After a good roll in the dirt, I always come in and clean up on the bed. Have you noticed, that we always lick and wash after we have eaten. I bet you don't know why - well pay attention then and I will tell you.Back in the mists of time when the first cat was created, said cat had to catch his own dinner. A very poor state of affairs, but it does clearly indicate that cats were around long before the "housekeeping staff" were created, otherwise the cat would not have had to concern himself with such menial tasks. When the cat caught a mouse, it decided to wash its paws and face before eating. "Why did the cat wash the mouse?" Who said that? You really are thick, I meant the cat washed it's own paws and face. I sometimes wonder why I bother.

I've lost my thread now, where was I - oh I remember - the cat put the mouse to one side and performed his ablutions - see, I told you we were very clean. When he was ready to eat, he turned round and to his horror, the mouse had run off. A very dastardly trick for the mouse to pull, I've always said that you can't trust the little critters. Anyway, being quick on the uptake, after a few million years of evolution, the penny finally dropped, and the cat decided he wouldn't be so hungry if he cleaned up after he had eaten rather than before. That's why to this very day us cats still do the same thing. This is all true I'll have you know, or did I make it up - I can't remember! Here's another interesting thing - what is the only creature that tells it's offspring to wash it's hands before it eats? Yes, you've guessed - humans. Just another example of why cats are much smarter.Well, that's my lot for today. I can't hang around here enlightening you lot. I've got better things to do. Plans continue apace for my "Albert at Home" bash. I have spread the word, and I am expecting a decent turn out. I've even invited old Quasimodo, the cat with the bell, I've told you about before - he should be good for a laugh. What do you mean it's cruel to make fun of him. I'll have you know we laugh at him not with him - or is it the other way round? Anyway, I've a hunch he won't turn up - Ho Ho Ho.... All I need now is for "the one I don't trust" to clear off for the evening. Perhaps it will be tonight. What a Life! AlbertThe(hygienic)Cat.


  1. Another wonderful post Albert, and very enlightening!

  2. I read recently that other than peeing, cats lose more of their fluids through grooming. Seems like a waste to me. I prefer to spend my time chewing bones and destroying stuffed toys.

    Oh yeah, now I remember, it was one of those Free Kibble Cat questions. As a dog I learn a lot about cats through that.

  3. Very interesting post, Bert...Let us know about your bash and we will be there, without bells on that's for sure!!...xo...Calle, Halle, Sukki

  4. That is very interesting to learn about why cats clean themselves after eating - our mom always jokes that it is because we are so messy (which really isn't true at all!)

  5. Another great blog! You are a very generous kitty to spend time enlightening humans.
    Another great benefit of cleaning is so that we can leave hairball presents around the house.

  6. Thanks for the history in cats Albert. Guess we cats could teach the oomans a thing or two.