Thursday, 25 February 2010

Doing the Rounds....

Hello again. I took the day off yesterday to recover from recent events. By sleeping at full speed, I managed to wake up early this morning feeling greatly invigorated. I thought a bit of fresh air would do me good, and as it appeard to be quite a nice morning, after breakfast, I decided to go for a stroll and catch up with the local gang.I had a look over next door, and sure enough, the nasty little Jack Russell started yapping away as soon as it saw me. I stayed just long enough for it's owner to come and drag it away. A bit further along the back wall, I came across wise Old Black Tom - he is a very clever and important cat, he told me so himself. "What's occuring?" I asked. "Not much" he said knowingly. "I'm watching the world go by." I sat with him for a while. "Where's it going then" I asked. "Where's what going?" he said. "The world of course" I replied. He gave me one of his withering looks, so I decided to press on.

In the distance, I could hear a tinkling bell - must be Quasimodo I thought. He's as mad as a hatter - driven insane by the little bell on his collar. I've told you all about him before. I wandered off to see if I could get any sense out of him. He came towards me at great rate of knots. "What's up with you" I shouted at him. "About half past ten" he said as he dashed past. I forgot to tell you he is deaf as well. I eventually found him hiding under a bush. "Get down here quickly" he said "or they will see you." "Who" I asked "The firemen" he said nervously, "They are chasing me, can't you hear the bells?" Next minute, a phone rang in a nearby house, and he was off like a flash - saved by the bell I thought!

A bit further along the wall, I heard a loud noise like the sound of a dustbin lid falling on to the ground. Hurtling down the garden came Mad Harry carrying a tasty fishbone, and Slasher Sid covered in what was once a nourishing meat stew, closely followed by an irate red faced woman with a bucket of water. Presumably she was bringing them something to drink after their lunch - how thoughtful. When things calmed down they told me that they had been sampling the delights of her bin and she had taken umbrage.

Now as we know from past missives, it is very sensible to keep on the right side of Harry and Sid - if you know what I mean. Rumour has it that they were trapped once and taken to the local cat and dog home, but after a few days they were thrown out for attacking a Rottweiller! Clearly not to be messed with. You never know when their services might be required, so I told them that they must pop round to our place some time, and have a good ferret around in our bin. I bid them farewell. I had this strange feeling that I should return home, call it a sixth sense if you like, all us cats have it - hunger it's called. Time for lunch.Well that's my lot for today. When I got back, "My poncy brother" and "my stupid sister" were in the garden playing with my crocuses. "Make sure you leave some for me to dig up" I told them. The first daffodils have started to appear. They reminded me of what happened to the nasty little Jack Russell last year. It was stupid enough to swallow a daffodil bulb and made itself ill. It was rushed to the vets, and never being slow to spot an opportunity to extract cash, the vet said that they would have to keep the dog in for observation. "How long for" cried the owner. "Don't worry" said the vet, "it will be out in the Spring." Ho Ho Ho.. Oh please yourselves! AlbertThe(wandering)Cat.


  1. Bert, you are an entertaining and amusing boy!...Great stories from the neighborhood!...xo...Calle, Halle, Sukki

  2. Hahaha, you should do a round of your neighborhood everyday Bert, you never know who you would run into.
    Jake the red tabby

  3. For such an intelligent boy, you should know to stay home if you don't want your crocuses bothered with.