Tuesday, 2 February 2010

The Cat's Out The Bag!

Have you all missed me? No! Not any of you! I don't know why I bother. "The one I don't trust" went away yesterday, and do you know what, he only took my computer with him. What a cheek. Anyway, I'm back.

We had a bit of "a do" over the weekend. "My poncy brother" developed a pronounced limp(L-I-M-P, pronounced limp) which gradually got worse. Oh, you should have seen the fuss he made. He will do anything for a bit of sympathy. "The pretty one" was all over him - you'd think he was at deaths door. She even gave him extra prawns - sometimes even I am astonished at just how gullible she can be. I had a good look at him, and all I could see was a small cut on his rear offside leg - a minor scratch. No comparison with my old war wound that I never talk about. "Oh no, he's not going to start rambling on about that again is he?" Who said that? Have I told you about it before then? Surely not - I don't like to mention it.Apparently Tabby had been doing a bit of ratting, and one of the smaller ones nipped him - oh how I laughed. Yesterday, there was talk of taking him to see "the bloke who sticks needles in us once a year." This raised my hopes, that perhaps it wasn't quite so trivial after all. "The one I don't trust" was against the idea - all he was worried about was being relieved of more of his cash. "Give it a few days," he grumbled "he has to go and have his booster soon, we can kill two birds with one stone". What a mean man. Unfortunately my hopes have been dashed, as this morning Tabby seems to be on the mend. However, he does still have to go and have his jabs, so there is still something amusing to look forward to.This brings us on to the very serious business of the day. "Don't know what you're laughing at" said Ginger Tail as she walked past. "All our jabs are due at the same time - if his is due, then so are ours!" She's right you know, she's not so stupid after all. The awful truth dawned - it only seems a year since we last went. As the words were leaving her lips, the post came through the door, and there lying on the mat was a threatening letter from said bloke who sticks needles in us, telling "the housekeeping staff" that under pain of dire retribution and in exchange for an inordinate sum of money we are required to attend his seedy establishment for our booster vaccination and annual health check later this month! The cat was out of the bag, so to speak. How can a failed medic run such a scam - in any other walk of life it would be considered extortion and he would be banged to rights!

Annual health check - I don't like the sound of that - they are bound to weigh me. I did notice, that my due date is three days after the other two. I managed to escape last year before they crated me up - one of life's little triumphs. They got me next time though - despite my iron willpower, I succumbed to their dirty underhand trickery - they put a handful of prawns in the cat carrier. I have shredded the card so at least I've delayed the dreaded moment. They are bound to send another one.Well, that's your lot for today. I have important matters to attend to. I have to devise a rota for the three of us to keep guard on the letterbox. Before that, I think I will limp over to see "the pretty one" - should be worth a prawn or two. What a life! AlbertThe(needle phobic)Cat.


  1. Oh, I sure don't like the sound of jabs! I know what you mean about hamming it up - Mom calls the dawg my sister and that dawg is a total ham and does tricks, really good tricks for cookies.
    I don't work for cookies - cookies are expected and a right, don't you think?

    Hopes you don't have to get jabs!

  2. Oh no! Post from the vet is never good! At least you have time to form your battle plan!

  3. That poncy brother of yours seems a bit dodgy to me. It starts with a limp and progresses from there, next he might hurl a hairball or two, then feign not wanting to eat. I bet the pretty one gives him all the prawns he wants to try and coax him to eat. Be on the watch for him, or maybe you should pretend you don't want to eat to get all the prawns. Just a thought.

  4. Couldn't you take that postcard and eat it or push it under a sofa? Without a reminder, hoomans are hopeless.

  5. LOLOLOL now I want to housekeep for a new cat.

  6. Insightful comments on the state of the affairs with all your anipals. Enjoyed the update. I agree that you should eat that notice from the needle guy. Hang in there pal...

  7. I loved your article it has great information. I think you and your readers might be interested in another article I found, about cats and dry eyes.