Monday, 22 February 2010

Star of Stage and Screen......Possibly!

What a lousy day! I hope the weather is better where you are - it is tipping down here. Most unpleasant. I have hardly been out of the house. I would consider moving to warmer climes, if only I knew where they were.

Me and Tabby were rudely awoken at the crack of lunchtime by "the one I don't trust." Crashing and banging about he was, as he struggled to get the cat boxes out from the back of the cupboard. He was using some very choice language, when he thumped, what he laughingly calls his head, on a shelf. "Ow" he said, followed by some further words I've never heard before. Oh how I laughed! This is all part of the preparation for our trip tomorrow to see "the bloke who sticks needles in us once a year."We better not let them see the boxes" he said, "or they will realise something is wrong." I give up on him I really do. It's a pity they haven't got a vaccine for stupidity - if they had, we could get him done while we're there tomorrow. I've decided to ignore the whole shabby proceedings for the time being although I still intend to make things as difficult as possible for him.Due to the rotten weather, I've spent some time watching telly recently. I saw an episode of Postman Pat, starring Jess, the black and white cat. I could have played that part, it was made for me. Never mind, I wonder if they need a stunt double? There was an old Tom and Jerry cartoon. That Tom is the same colour as me, and lets be honest here - he is useless. The damn mouse runs rings round him. He even comes off second best with the dog, Spike, that lives next door. Surely they could have got a more clued up cat. If they ever do a remake, I must be in the frame for the lead role - Bert and Jerry, has a nice ring to it don't you think.Do you know, I reckon the same dumb cat that plays Tom, also plays Sylvester in the long running feud with Tweety Pie. He looks a bit like me as well. "I tort I saw a puddy tat....." well, let me tell you, that silly little yellow bird wouldn't see me coming! "Thufferin' Thuccotash" indeed! I think us black and white cats get a raw deal you know - why are we always portrayed as being stupid and gullible. "What do you mean, very life-like! Who said that?" How rude. It is discrimination, that's what it is. Even Scratchy loses out to Itchy. We need some positive role models? I think I should put myself forward, after all, a film of the life story of a literary cat, like what I am, is bound to be a blockbuster. I could write the screenplay myself, and play the lead role. I can see it now, the bright lights, the red carpet covered in cat hair, the Oscars, what ever they are, celebrity interviews.........

Well that's my lot for today. I have lots to do. I wonder which film studio would be interested - 20th Century Puss, or Purramount. It would have to be filmed in black and white of course, Ho Ho Ho... What a life! AlbertThe(star struck)Cat.


  1. i can absolutely see you of the stage....lets be honest, the world of TV and film is for have far more style and the West End and beyond!

  2. Can't wait for next year's BAFTA Awards. There you will be, at the Royal Opera House, receiving the award for most 'purrrr-fect' performance in a black and white film by a newcomer!

  3. Ooo, can I haz your pawtograph seein az how you iz gonna be a movie star?