Friday, 5 February 2010

On Her Majesty's Service...

Hello - just a very short posting. I wasn't going to do one today, but I knew you would all be worrying about our impending set-to with "the bloke who sticks needles in us once a year." I had both Tabby and Ginger Tail stationed by the window this morning waiting for the postman, but there was still no sign of the appointment card. All he delivered was the usual rubbish.
"The one I don't trust" must be more important than I thought, because he had a letter from The Queen, a brown envelope from Her Majesty's Government inviting him to send money. Times must be hard - the global recession, whatever that is, must be starting to bite. I took the precaution of shredding the letter as for some reason the brown ones always seem to make him angry. The last one he got sent him into a state of near apoplexy - he went off on a foul mouthed diatribe about begging letters and squeezing blood out of stones. Apparently they think he is a charity and he has to pay for a bunch of "ne'er do wells, skivers, lickspittles and wasters" all out of his own pocket. I'd have thought looking after us would have been enough for him! He even suggested that he should send them the shirt off his own back - what a kind and noble gesture!

There was another letter for "the pretty one" telling her that she had been fortunate enough to win a prize in the Swaziland National Lottery, and all she had to do was call this telephone number and send a sum of money, in cash to a place called PO Box - wonder where that is? I had no idea she even entered such things. I smelt a rat at first, but then I'm always doing that - Ho Ho, just a little joke for you other cats out there. Seriously though, I soon realised it was genuine, because it said that the money was only to cover their legitimate expenses, so that's alright then, and the telephone number was premium rate - yes premium rate, not ordinary rate, but premium, and the call could last up to fifteen minutes. Obviously they have an awful lot of good news to tell her. She must have won a very big prize. Perhaps she will buy us all presents. Probably best that I don't shred this letter.

Well, that's my lot for today. I'm running out of time. It's been a very busy day, and I can't hang around here chatting away to you lot. Do you know I even missed my afternoon nap - I slept right through it. I hope you all have a nice weekend - see you next week. What a Life! AlbertThe(taxing)Cat.


  1. Well, I don't think there will be any prawns in this for you. I think they want all the prawns your mum has. It might be best to shred this letter if you want to continue your prawn addiction.

  2. You are funny as usual, my good man. Always love
    to see what you're up to!

  3. I did enjoy your blog. Thanks for taking the time to write it. I'm in the USA and seems like we're always getting letters wanting us to take care of someone also.
    We're having yucky weather this weekend and all of my furry feline family and my little doggy are tucked in warm and cozy.

  4. Hello Albert, what a handsome and clever cat you are! Your blog is a pleasure, I'm very glad I stopped by.



  5. Dear Bert,
    Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your blog, but I wish you would let Tabby and Ginger Tail use your blog a little more.