Thursday, 4 February 2010

The Origin of Species According to Bert!

Hello folks. Things are still very tense around here. All three of us were waiting for the postman this morning, but fortunately there were no further reminders from "the bloke who sticks needles in us once a year" about our dreaded appointment. We must remain vigilant at all times - I wouldn't put it past him to phone up. Mmm.... I wonder if I can chew through the telephone cable? Best get Tabby to do it in case it's dangerous. Anyway, enough of this, I feel very tired today. Only got up for breakfast, and that wasn't much to speak of, a small hand full of prawns - I don't usually get out of bed for less than a dozen! "How can you be tired, you've only just got up?" I hear you say. Us cats need our sleep - did you know, that often we spend up to 23 hours a day kipping, napping, or otherwise dead to the world. If I didn't get up early, I would never fit it all in.Once the postman had cleared off, I decided to go for a wander round my patch - thought a breath of fresh air might do me good. The garden looks very scruffy at this time of year, needs a good tidy up if you ask me. No one has asked me mind, but if they did, then that is what I would tell them. Have to get "the one I don't trust" on the job. I don't know what on earth he does with himself all day. Why do all the leaves disappear in the winter? One of life's little mysteries. I reckon it's to make it easier for us cats to see the birds. Probably back in the mists of time before humans had evolved to look after us, we had to fend for ourselves, and as food may have been a bit scarce in the winter, the great pussy cat in the sky decided to to blow away all the leaves so that we could see the little perishers.Now pay attention here, because I am going to let you in on something - did you know, humans were monkeys once? Yes, monkeys. Can you believe it - well, yes you can can't you. I mean there is a remarkable similarity. By the look of them, I reckon some folks evolved from monkeys a lot later than others. Take my lot, probably about five or six years ago, before my time. I'm sure I would have remembered something like that happening. I have it on good authority that they are going to change into pigs next, in fact it may already have started - when "the one I don't trust" came in the other night after a few drinks with his pals, he went to sleep in front of the telly and made some awful grunting noises. I'm sure I heard "the pretty one" call him a swine. This is all a bit worrying, because I don't think pigs can work a can opener - we could be back to fending for ourselves.Anyway, I've started to ramble on again - back to my stroll. I noticed that quite a few Spring flowers have braved the weather and have put their heads above the parapet. These must be the ones that escaped my digging frenzy in the Autumn when I played hunt the bulb with "the one I don't trust". Oh how I laughed, hours of endless fun - I think he must have enjoyed it as well, although you wouldn't have known it - miserable so and so! After the unfortunate incident with the snowdrop last week, it is probably best that I let them grow a bit more before I play with them, after all, I'm sure that is what they are for. You can see that in addition to my main hobby, ornithology, I also take a keen interest in horticulture.Well that's my lot for today. I'm off to check that the "housekeeping staff" haven't turned into anything else while my backs been turned. Better take a look in the mirror to make sure I'm still a cat - you can't be too careful. The only thing I'm planning to turn into in the near future is my bed. Can probably make time to fit in a spot of supper first. What a life! AlbertThe(evolving)Cat.

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