What a weekend I’ve had! I’ve been hiding under the bed since Friday. I only popped out for essentials like breakfast, lunch, tea, dinner, supper and snacks. Oh, also for a good dig in the garden, and a few naps by the fire. Apart from these rare occasions I’ve been under the bed all the time. You should see the state of things down here, dust, fluff, hair – enough hair in fact to build another cat. What on earth do I pay "the housekeeping staff” for? Actually I don’t pay them anything but that is not the point.
Why am I in hiding, you ask. You’ve not been paying attention over the last week or so have you? We are due to go for our booster jabs tomorrow. I have been deserted by my treacherous "poncy brother" and "my stupid sister." I am lying low until later, when I plan to make good my escape. I have devised a cunning plan. Tonight, after they have blocked the flap up to trap us in the house, I'm going to cover myself in soot from the chimney, and then under the cover of darkness, stopping only for supper, I reckon I can squeeze out of the bathroom window, scramble down the drainpipe on to the shed roof and then off and away over the garden wall.Wait a minute, I can hear giggling - wonder what that's all about? It's only Tabby and Ginger Tail, I wonder what they are up to? "What a daft idea" said Tabby, "can we watch - it should be good for a laugh!" I hate him, I really do! "You won't be laughing tomorrow when you are crated up and taken to be stabbed!" I replied. "Oh yes we will" said Ginger Tail, "we're not going tomorrow, it is not until later in the week." "What! - you told me it was tomorrow - do you mean I've spent the whole weekend under the bed for nothing?" I said furiously. "We know" sniggered Tabby, "it was just a stab in the dark, we made it up - it was our little joke!" "You backstabber" I cried. Oh how they laughed. I hate him, I really do!Apparently, the card from "the bloke who sticks needles in us once a year," just said call to make an appointment, and as far as we know they haven't done so yet - well that's what Tabby tells me. I don't know who to believe. What is the world coming to when you can't trust your own flesh and blood. I mean, I would never do anything as devious as that. I hope the needle's blunt when it's their turn.
Well that's my lot for today. The whole weekend under the bed for nothing - can you believe it. "I am just going outside, and I may be some time" - I think Captain Oates said that. No, it couldn't have been him, there's no one else here. Wonder what did become of him though. Apparently they took a cat with them on the expedition south. Not sure how he got on with the huskies, but I bet he enjoyed chasing the penguins. His name was Snowy, on account of him being all white. He is in lots of the photographs, but is very difficult to spot! He was the first pole cat! "What do you mean it's a rotten joke" - it's the best I can manage, I'm not in a very jovial mood. What a life! AlbertThe(absconding)Cat.
Hurry Up, Let's Eat
12 hours ago