Many Happy Returns......Almost!

A funny thing happened this morning. I was happily dozing on the settee, when there was a loud clattering noise at the front door. I immediately dived under the table - well you can't be too careful can you? After a while, I ventured forth to investigate and what do you think I saw - the postman - Pat I expect his name is, had delivered a whole load of letters. My first thought was, damn, I've missed him again - every morning I keep a look out for the postman, because as we all know, he is accompanied by a little black and white cat called Jess, who I expect is his supervisor. In all the time I've been looking out, I've never seen the cat. Perhaps he stays in the nice warm van. I would like to meet him, because I'm sure there's an excellent career opportunity for me, after all I have the necessary qualifications - I'm black and white!

Anyway, I digress - back to the letters. They were not the usual stuff - bills, junk mail etc. Upon closer inspection, they were clearly birthday cards. Naturally, I assumed they were all for me. I must have forgotten that it's my birthday - very remiss of me. I hope I've got lots of nice presents I thought. Prawns, a side of salmon, tuna steaks or something similar would be most acceptable. I bet "the housekeeping staff" are going to surprise me."It's not your birthday you stupid cat" said Tabby. "It must be" I said, "look at all my cards." "The cards are for 'the one we don't trust' - it's his birthday" said Tabby. I was amazed, I had no idea the staff were allowed birthdays as well, I thought they were only for us cats. What a disappointment. I wonder how old he is. "We can work it out, if we know his birthday" said Tabby. "Well obviously, it's the 4th of March" I said. "We know that" replied Tabby, "but which year?" "Every year" I said. Tabby wandered off with a look of despair on his smug face.

That didn't get us far I thought. I reckon he must be at least a hundred, although he looks older. How long does he last before we have to replace him - very worrying. I'll have to keep an eye on him, because I'm sure he's going to age a lot faster over the next two weeks when he has to look after us on his own.

"The pretty one" has been packing her bag this afternoon. She's off to the airport first thing in the morning. I need to make sure we are all on parade to see her off - must practice saluting! She has spent the afternoon in the bedroom packing. I know she's only going for a fortnight, but judging by the amount of stuff she is cramming into her case, it might be a lot longer. "The one I don't trust," very helpfully asked if he should fetch the kitchen sink for her to pack as well - how thoughtful! Her mother lives in a strange land called France, and I can only assume that they are a little backward and do not yet have running water and advanced plumbing. After a somewhat heated discussion it was decided that it was not necessary to take the sink. There must have been a draught in the bedroom, because as he came out, the door slammed very loudly behind him!

Well that's my lot for today. The fun and games start tomorrow. Fancy it not being my birthday, but his instead. The good news is that I am no older than I was yesterday. To be as old as him, he must have been born at a very early age! I wonder if she has baked him a cake. I hope there aren't any candles on it - I doubt it, I mean we all have to be aware of our responsibilities for global warming. What a life! AlbertThe(immortal)Cat.