Thursday 4 March 2010

Many Happy Returns......Almost!

A funny thing happened this morning. I was happily dozing on the settee, when there was a loud clattering noise at the front door. I immediately dived under the table - well you can't be too careful can you? After a while, I ventured forth to investigate and what do you think I saw - the postman - Pat I expect his name is, had delivered a whole load of letters. My first thought was, damn, I've missed him again - every morning I keep a look out for the postman, because as we all know, he is accompanied by a little black and white cat called Jess, who I expect is his supervisor. In all the time I've been looking out, I've never seen the cat. Perhaps he stays in the nice warm van. I would like to meet him, because I'm sure there's an excellent career opportunity for me, after all I have the necessary qualifications - I'm black and white!

Anyway, I digress - back to the letters. They were not the usual stuff - bills, junk mail etc. Upon closer inspection, they were clearly birthday cards. Naturally, I assumed they were all for me. I must have forgotten that it's my birthday - very remiss of me. I hope I've got lots of nice presents I thought. Prawns, a side of salmon, tuna steaks or something similar would be most acceptable. I bet "the housekeeping staff" are going to surprise me."It's not your birthday you stupid cat" said Tabby. "It must be" I said, "look at all my cards." "The cards are for 'the one we don't trust' - it's his birthday" said Tabby. I was amazed, I had no idea the staff were allowed birthdays as well, I thought they were only for us cats. What a disappointment. I wonder how old he is. "We can work it out, if we know his birthday" said Tabby. "Well obviously, it's the 4th of March" I said. "We know that" replied Tabby, "but which year?" "Every year" I said. Tabby wandered off with a look of despair on his smug face.

That didn't get us far I thought. I reckon he must be at least a hundred, although he looks older. How long does he last before we have to replace him - very worrying. I'll have to keep an eye on him, because I'm sure he's going to age a lot faster over the next two weeks when he has to look after us on his own.

"The pretty one" has been packing her bag this afternoon. She's off to the airport first thing in the morning. I need to make sure we are all on parade to see her off - must practice saluting! She has spent the afternoon in the bedroom packing. I know she's only going for a fortnight, but judging by the amount of stuff she is cramming into her case, it might be a lot longer. "The one I don't trust," very helpfully asked if he should fetch the kitchen sink for her to pack as well - how thoughtful! Her mother lives in a strange land called France, and I can only assume that they are a little backward and do not yet have running water and advanced plumbing. After a somewhat heated discussion it was decided that it was not necessary to take the sink. There must have been a draught in the bedroom, because as he came out, the door slammed very loudly behind him!

Well that's my lot for today. The fun and games start tomorrow. Fancy it not being my birthday, but his instead. The good news is that I am no older than I was yesterday. To be as old as him, he must have been born at a very early age! I wonder if she has baked him a cake. I hope there aren't any candles on it - I doubt it, I mean we all have to be aware of our responsibilities for global warming. What a life! AlbertThe(immortal)Cat.

10 comments:

  1. Good luck Bert, the last time our mom left and dad was in charge of us (for a day and a half) he didn't clean our litter boxes, didn't mash our breakfast stinky goodness properly and put all our toys in the wrong box! Oh, and he made a mess of mom's kitchen, yes, the kitchen belongs to mom. It's the only room that dad won't go into if mom is doing anything like cooking or washing up. The male apes are much harder to train than the females.

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  2. Bert, you are a silly boy; you make my Mom smile every time we visit you!!...Good luck with your plans for the "one you don't trust"=hope it all works out for you!...xo...Calle, Halle, Sukki

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  3. Wow, that is going to be very interesting while he is in charge - in our house that wouldn't ever happen for so long! Our mom doesn't like to leave us for long periods of time - she really doesn't trust anyone with us but herself. We hope you have lots of fun!

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  4. Albert, Albert, Albert... you write such wonderful blog posts. I had a birthday card in hand to send you at one point in your story. I do hope you survive without the pretty one for two whole weeks. Give me a call if you need anything. And, Happy Non-Birthday to You!!

    *nosetaps* Max.

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  5. Albert, well, a happy birthday to "the one you don't trust." So sorry it's not *your* birthday! Good luck while "the pretty one" is away!

    BTW, our human wants to know if you have a book in the works. Because if not, she seriously suggests you do. Brilliant posts, and she mean "brilliant" as in "having or showing great intelligence, talent, quality." Truly.

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  6. Oh dear Bert. What a day you've had. Sorry it's not your birthday and very sorry the "pretty one is leaving you." Should be an interesting 2 weeks for you with the "one you don't trust." I do hiope you all survive.

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  7. Hello, Bert! I'm sorry your household staff is having some fights and I'm sorry that the pretty one is leaving for some days. But, I'm sure that the one you don't trust will take good care of you and the others, if he knows what's best for him.
    Also, I want to tell you that I'm very impressed with your writing. So, very soon, Mom's college students will be reading your blog. This way they will be practicing the English language and learning about wonderful cats, as you are.

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  8. So glad to hear you are no older than you were yesterday! That's good news. But a tuna cake would have been nice!

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  9. Bert, what disappointment!
    BTW, When is your birthday?
    Jake the red tabby

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  10. Everybody forgot my birthday. Even me. QOL Too bad you didn't get the tuna cake though.

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