What an outrage! What an absolute outrage! The one I don’t trust took my computer away yesterday in a childish display of petulance. Just because there were a few minor mishaps at my little soiree. I must thank all my pals for their messages of understanding and support. He really doesn’t know what he is up against – if he wants to play silly games he is well out of his depth . When it comes to acts of crass stupidity, then he is up against an acknowledged expert in the field. Mmmm... that doesn’t quite sound right but you get my drift.
I can't let this pass I thought, I'll get him back. After supper last night, I decided that the three of us should clear off until the morning. Tabby and Ginger Tail were reluctant at first, but when I advised that Mad Harry and Slasher Sid may pay a visit if they broke rank they quickly came round to my way of thinking. It was a foul night, bucketed down with rain for hours. I lost touch with the other two - I expect they were taking shelter under a tree or something. Anyway, I returned home late this morning after the one I don't trust had risen from his pit. I sat on the backdoor step, shivering and soaked to the skin - like a drowned rat I looked. "This'll show him" I thought.When I eventually went in, the other two were sitting on the settee, licking their lips. They looked strangely dry! "Oh hello, fancy seeing you" said Tabby in a surprised voice. "How long have you been in here?" I asked. "Just arrived this very minute" he said sheepishly. "Well how come you are both bone dry?" I replied as quick as a flash - not much gets past me! "We were hiding two gardens away, and it wasn't raining there" said Ginger Tail. I recalled last night's weather forecast - it said localised heavy downpours. Obviously very local indeed. How lucky they were.
"Where is he then - is he worried?" I asked. "Who?" said Tabby. "The one we don't trust of course." "Oh him, he went out about five minutes ago" said Tabby. "Just after he had given us our prawns" said Ginger Tail, "they were nice and fresh this morning, just how we like them." "That's good" I thought. "Where are mine then?" "Well, we weren't expecting you back so soon, so we ate them for you" chuckled Tabby. Oooh I was livid. I stood there in a puddle of rainwater with all the dignity I could muster. I hate those two I really do!"Still" I said, "I bet he was in a right state - how's he going to explain my absence to the pretty one in his daily bulletin." "To be honest" said Tabby, breaking the habit of a lifetime, "I don't think he noticed - he was in a bit of a rush you see." Things had started badly, and were going slowly down hill. There was only one thing for it, I went straight out into the garden and decimated the remaining crocuses. After a good roll in the mud I went up to the bedroom and fortunately he had left his freshly washed favourite jumper laying on a chair. Too good an opportunity I thought - the perfect place for a good clean up before a much needed nap.Well that's my lot for today. As I dozed off, I was thinking what else I could do to teach him a lesson. The curtain rail I thought - he put it back up again yesterday. What a pigs ear he made of it as well. It's all scew-whiff. I reckon he needs a new bubble in his spirit level. A gentle tug is all that's needed and the whole lot will come down again. When it comes to DIY, it may be that his sole purpose in life is to serve as an example to others. I feel guilty that we have him here at all - we are depriving some village of it's idiot. See you all next week. What a life! AlbertThe(vengeful)Cat.
Time Flies As Merci Ages
1 day ago