The Dog Next Door - A Nutty Problem!

What a busy day I've had. It was a nice sunny autumn morning in London town, and I was up bright and early to take my place in the breakfast queue. After a rather small serving of prawns, I thought I would go for a stroll, and inspect my patch. I stopped on top of the neighbours shed in the hope that the nasty spiteful little Jack Russell that lives there would come out. I am working on a cunning plan to get rid of the thing! Sure enough, as soon as it saw me it came charging out, yapping away. It bounces up and down like a rubber ball - the more I hiss the higher it jumps. As soon as the owner comes out to see what all the fuss is about I hide behind a tree so she can't see me. She already thinks there is something wrong with the mutt. I am trying to make her think it is going mad. I have been doing this for three or four weeks now and, even though I say so myself, it is working rather well.

Now, I've noticed at our place that when the washing machine empties, quite often a load of soap suds froth up around the drain. This is rather inconvenient in one way, because it is one of my favourite drinking holes, but I think I can put it to good use. If I can just find a way of getting some of the froth over the fence and deposit it around the bottom of the shed then we could really be in business. Next time I wind up the Jack Russell, and the owner comes running out, she will see all this stuff where the little fellow is bouncing around. She will be convinced she has a mad dog foaming at the mouth on her hands. The stupid thing is on thin ice already after nipping the postman recently. If I can pull this off, it is likely to be the final nail in it's coffin. They are bound to send the men in white coats to take it away.

Once it had been dragged back inside the house, I wandered on. Stopped for a chat with wise Old Black Tom who lives down the road. We were watching a couple of squirrels. I've had a nasty experience with squirrels so I was a bit wary. I chased one once, and actually caught it. I had no idea what to do, so I was patting it about, when from nowhere, two other squirrels appeared, great big things - must have been mum and dad. Well would you believe it, they actually chased me off. I think of it more as a tactical withdrawal. Old Tom thought that I did the right thing, as he reckons they are nasty little critters - "taste a bit nutty, not worth the effort", he said.
The squirrels we were watching were burying nuts. Old Black Tom, who knows about these things, told me that they go to sleep for the winter and don't wake up until the spring. If they fancy a snack, they dig up a couple of nuts, have a quick chew and then go back to bed. I wonder if I could sleep all winter, after all, I am very good at it. I put in hours and hours of practice. What would I eat if I woke up? Perhaps I could bury some prawns. On reflection Old Black Tom thought it was not one of my better ideas. We must have both dozed off in the warm sunshine, because when I came to something was telling me it was time to go home - probably my stomach, lunch time must be fast approaching I thought. I bade farewell to Old Black Tom.

Well, I must have been asleep for longer than I thought, because when I got back, "my stupid sister" was sitting inside the back door licking her lips. "Lunch is just finished" she said, "we had prawns and biscuits - me and Tabby ate yours for you, they were ever so nice". Oh how she laughed! What a disaster, I had missed lunch. Now if only I had buried a few prawns for emergency use! Those squirrels aren't as stupid as they seem.Well that's my lot for today. Off to try and scrounge food. Perhaps I can steal some from Quasimodo - usually something on offer at his place. Don't forget to send me your problems for my agony column - see yesterdays posting for details. What a life! AlbertThe(very hungry)Cat.