Strange human customs

The prawns were a bit thin on the ground again this morning. If things continue like this I may have to consider making alternative arrangements. I have been looking around, and I think there is a woman who lives opposite that has taken a bit of a shine to me. Not surprising. Like any sensible cat, I think it is wise to keep all options open.

Well what shall I write about today? All this thinking is tiring me out. I may have to take a rest soon. Before that, perhaps I will tell you a little about a rather strange human custom I have observed. Whenever "the one that I don't trust" goes out on his own, "the pretty one" always says to him "don't drink too much". This is said in a stern and threatening manner, particularly so whenever he goes to watch football with his friends. Now, no one likes a drink more than me, so I can't see what all the fuss is about. I would be most grateful if any other cats out there can shed further light on this.

I have fresh water laid on everyday by the housekeeping staff - we have it on draught at our place. I tend not to drink too much of that though, as I prefer real water - it has much more flavour. In my experience the best sources are the drain, rain puddles and the rusty old watering can in the back garden. A little tip for other cats - if you can get it, then my absolute favourite is Tomorite. They pour this on to their tomato plants in the belief that it will make them grow bigger (the tomatoes that is!). If you time things right, about a minute or two after they have watered them the stuff trickles out of the bottom of the pot. Well, a few swigs of this and I reckon I can fly - I managed it once and scared the hell out of a passing sparrow, unfortunately I had a limp for the next fortnight - not sure if the two things are connected! I doubt it.

By the way, mentioning football - have I told you about my prowess as a youngster? I could have been a star. I will show you film tomorrow of me in action - you will be amazed. To brighten things up a bit I thought I would show you a picture of me and my stupid sister as youngsters. Aren't I cute!
Well that's the lot for today - I'm off out for a drink. What a life! Albert the Cat.