Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Good Ideas Can Seriously Damage Your Health!

Would you believe it! Would you Adam and Eve it! I've discovered that a cruel and fiendish hoax has been perpetrated upon my good self. I told you yesterday that I had detailed my "stupid sister" to spy and report back on the visit of the nosy neighbours and their ill-disciplined brood. The upshot was that despite my sylph like figure, the very serious threat of being put on a diet was back on the agenda. You can imagine the distress this caused.

Well, it now appears that Ginger Tail - "my stupid sister" thought it would be a good idea to play a little joke. Her report of the proceedings was a complete fabrication. She made the whole lot up. I smelt a rat (so to speak), when I saw her and "my poncy brother", Tabby, whispering to each other and then giggling. "What's afoot" I asked - "about twelve inches" chuckled Tabby as he dived for cover under the bed - Oh how they laughed!
Ginger Tail only let on when I bribed her with half a dozen of my reserve stash of prawns - what is this world coming to, deception and dishonesty all around. It was hard work pilfering those prawns while "the housekeeping staff" had their backs turned. They saw me eyeing them up and "the one I don't trust" said "No" in a very stern voice. All of us cats understand that when humans say "no" what it really means is "not when I'm looking".
Naturally I am livid, but at least I don't need to concern myself about the diet for the time being. In fact, prawns were in plentiful supply this morning. I've told "my stupid sister", that next time she has a good idea she could end up covered in concrete. Good ideas can be very bad for your health. I've tried to avoid having good ideas ever since my great uncle Porky, a very wise cat, told me that when you have a good idea you end up covered in concrete! He had a good idea once, he thought it was a good idea to take a nap inside a cement mixer - he woke up covered in concrete.
Do not fear, I will get my revenge on the other two. Who was it that said "revenge is a dish best served cold"? Of course, it was me, I just said it.

Well that's your lot for today. I'm off out for a stroll while the sun is still shining. Might pop over to the nosy neighbours garden for a dig. I reckon they were in on this little scam. What a life! AlbertTheCat.


  1. Hmmm, you have a secret stash of prawns...*shuffling over* Hey is that Elvis? Look over there buddy! *snarfling prawns*

  2. What a rotten joke! None of us would ever joke about a *gulp* diet...we're sorry yoor brofur and sisfur were so cruel. By da way, it's nice to meet yoo.

  3. Nice to meet you Albert.Maybe we can be friends.

    Harry Spotter

  4. Hey, Albert, nice to meet you. Sounds like you have sibling rivalry there too. But keep your chin up. Hopefully, no diet will materialize.

  5. You should never trust any other cat that lives under the same roof with you...I often find that the other two that live with me are conspiring against me with the humats so I don't get my treatz and dinnerz...trust no one!

  6. Albert, you are to funny. Get revenge. That is not fair to you.